Toddlers and pre-schoolers are an interesting group of people. Terrible twos, terrific twos, any one that rocks your boat. If you’ve been in the position to instruct some of these fellows, you may form the opinion that their ears are merely decorative ornaments. If you prohibit an average four year old from going near a fire, I bet that their focus will shift from other things to the very thing you warn them against. Some part of him or her will want to see how close he or she can get to the fire without getting scorched by the flames. I fear that is how some of us approach relationships. We know that we should not cheat, but instead of concentrating on the relationship we focus on how close we can get, what we can get away with doing without saying that we “cheated”.
The problem is, it is very easy to get carried away. One minute you think you’re just making “harmless conversation” with a “nice guy/lady”, next minute you’re sharing intimate emotional and physical parts of yourself that was meant for your partner. When this incident plays itself multiple times in one’s life, it is understandable (to some extent) that they end up subscribing to the Monogamy Is Unrealistic newsletter.
There is a danger in having a negative mindset about commitment in relationships. People begin to date and tell their partner that they are committed, and they may mean it, but have cheating as a contingency plan of sort. In their mind, they have entertained infidelity, and if an opportunity arises in the physical, guess what happens.
Maybe it’s just me, but I really believe that we all desire an intimacy that is exclusive. We all, deep down somewhere inside our souls, want to share a connection with someone that they don’t share with anyone else. Truth be told, a committed relationship is hard work, more work than most realise. It takes communication,understanding, intentionality, truckloads of it. A thriving relationship, like a tree, needs to be nurtured, pruned and weeded. There’s a lot that go on beyond cute pictures and heartwarming words, a lot that has to be done even when one doesn’t feel like it.
I believe the focus should always be on making the relationship work with one’s partner, on making your partnership work. Not testing how deep your leg can go in other waters before you begin to drown.
I wrote this piece with intent to make a couple of points. First off it is to say this: In the “Monogamy isn’t realistic” rant, the “for me” is silent. If you believe this phrase, kindly be aware that is YOUR standpoint and not a universal truth. Also, it would be best to have a partner who shares this sentiment, for obvious reasons. Second, if you desire exclusivity but have lowered your standards just so you could be with someone, you deserve better. Commitment is not easy, but it is definitely possible. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Stay safe, stay blessed.
Till next time,