On the 8th of January I sat down to pen a letter to EndOf2019 me. I read that letter yesterday, and I wish I could say I felt happiness or fulfilment as my eyes finished scanning through. One word alone cannot describe my heart state for the last couple of hours; it is more like this cocktail of sadness and disappointment with a tinge of anger. I didn’t want to talk about my year. I was blindsided, I must confess. My eyes were so fixated on the timelines I had imposed on myself that I had temporarily forgotten my blessings. It look a couple of deep breaths, a moment of honest reflection, and a conversation with friends this morning to make me realise that I was being ridiculously hard on myself.
Good things happened this year! Big things, I dare say, because graduating from medical school into this doctor life is a big deal. I grew as a person, learnt very important life lessons, marked important life events and cheered my loved ones on as they marked theirs. I celebrated open doors that without a doubt could have only been God. Sure, everything didn’t pan out as I wanted, but I’m grateful for every blessing and lesson learnt in 2019.
If there’s any lesson I’m definitely going to hold on to in the coming year and decade, it’s this:
Unrush yourself. Putting yourself in an imposed unhealthy competition with others will do nothing but cause heartache, sadness and envy. Work your hardest, do your best, do the most, at your pace. Be present in each season. Water your grass.
I’m content on how 2019 turned out, and I’m optimistic & intentional about 2020.
