DAY 19: MY FIRST LOVE
“I can’t keep on like this anymore.
I have to do this, for me”.
I muttered those words over the phone,
He said okay,
And did not ask for a reason.
He probably knew it.
My birthday, one of my best days, was fast approaching
Yet the sadness couldn’t go away.
It kept coming back like a dark cloud
Because I kept on seeing him.
Talking with him.
Deluding myself into the idea that we could go back to Just Friends,
like nothing happened.
Not addressing my hurt.
Until that fateful day, until that phonecall
When it became too much to handle.
With some borrowed courage I calmly relayed my message:
That Just Friends wasn’t working out.
That we had to keep our distances, at least for now.
I could not communicate how I really felt
That each time I saw him my heart ached,
That each time he spoke I was reminded of what could have been,
If only time and chance was on our side.
I shouldn’t put all that on someone else, my about-to-be-eighteen self reasoned.
I kept my reasons within,
he never asked,
and we struck an agreement.
I hardly knew a thing about love then
I am still learning now
But I will always remember that moment.
In that phonecall, and the months that followed,
I begun learning to make my emotional health a priority.
And boy, does it feel good.
-an excerpt from my love life
( Terrific guy, terrible timing).
