In true friendships you learn to love, tolerate, accomodate and have amazing people to share life with. The down side is that sometimes you may unconconciously compare your lifestyle with theirs. This occurs in varying degrees for everyone, but it was a real struggle for me.
I’m not going to lie and say I have never felt pressured by social media; I have, on multiple occasions. One area I have felt this is in relationships, as in romantic relationships. At some point I began to believe that I was missing out on something life-changing. As I was in this mindset simultaneously my friends were getting into relationships, and I remained single as a pringle. At some point few years back each of my closest friends were dating, and guess who was single. I used to always ask myself, “why is it that it always ends at the ‘talking’ stage for me? Am I not good enough to be in an official relationship?” (sidenote: I actually used the term ‘official relationship when talking about it in the past. Now that I look back at it I find it almost cringeworthy). It was almost impossible for my naive self to not think something was wrong with me.
Thank God for His grace and wisdom, I have grown from this mindset. The status quo is unchanged for now, but my attitude definitely has taken a very positive turn. I can bet that I’m not alone in this; that some of us love our friends dearly and watch them have what you want, or rather, what you think you want. If you can relate that’s okay. What’s not okay is allowing seeds of jealousy to grow into trees of discontent in your heart.
If you’re in this situation, first off, calm down darling. Take a deep breath, exhale, and calm down. There is no problem with you. Relax, everything happens in its timing. The fact that you are friends with someone does not imply that everything will happen for you at the same exact time. Comparison is the greatest thief of joy, this I know. Now I understand that the times and seasons are different for everyone, and instead of complaining I’m focused on making the best of each season I’m in.
Please understand that having a relationship is not a reward for something good you did. It is not a gold star God gives you after you do this or stop doing that. So the mentality of “let me do so and so so I will get a man” needs to die and be buried yesterday.
If you struggle with jealousy like I did, apart from praying about it, learn to speak positively. It’s in the little things. When you see a picture of a friend and her beau on social media, declare that you’re happy for her. When a friend who is dating someone is telling you about something nice her boyfriend did, it’s not the time to talk about how single you are. Instead, let her have her moment and be happy your friend is happy. I also believe that you should stop following/viewing pages on social media that make you feel inadequate or jealous of other people’s lives.
Instead of spending all that time wishing, spend it doing. Find an activity that you like, and divert your energy into it. Intensify your efforts on activities you are currently involved in. Fantasize less on what you could have and focus more what you have. Nurture the relationships you already have; your family, your friends, your mentors. Basically, keep on developing yourself and enjoying life as much as you can.
Finally, please don’t let the pressure to ‘enter a relationship’ push you into making bad decisions. There are people are just wrong for you, and if you mind is clouded with the fear of remaining single you may not realise that. Asking a trusted friend or mentor for advice will also be quite expedient; just make sure you’re not settling.
If there’s one lesson I had to learn (and am still learning), it was patience. I know the God I serve, and I know He knows my heart and my desires, and I know that all things are working together for my good. This is the truth for every child of God. Single or not, you’re good. In fact, you are more than good, you’re amazing.
Thank you for reading. Stay blessed.